Monday I walked the dogs and did yard work. Yesterday I did 20 minutes on the tmill. It's not a ton but it's fine.

I also decided to track foods for a while. I'm so tired of my weight being so high and out of control. It felt good yesterday to be in control. I only took in around 1000 calories and that was with two 5 oz. glasses of wine. Knowing it all counted kept me from the night eating/drinking. Despite how unnatural tracking is, I think I need to do it for a while. The important thing now is losing some weight. I'll deal with the mental effects of dieting/maintaining later.

I'm having trouble focusing with Michelle's health crisis, but I'll do my 20 minutes later on.

Woohoo, I did my 20 mins. today. It's much easier to swallow making the goal so low. I think I get thinking I really should do an hour and that gets me dreading it. I also remembered how easy it is to get a good quick workout with a kettlebell. I kinda forgot them.

L seemed kinda depressed today. I assume it's just her dad's long trip getting to her, but I'll keep an eye on it.

I'm having trouble getting on the horse. I read several times today that just 20-30 mins. a day is enough. Maybe I should commit to 20 and see if I can get that a habit? It might be easier when it's cooler out. The treadmill is so flippin boring.

Tues. was just 20 mins. of weights/stepping while watching a DVD. Today so far I just can't get motivated. Maybe because of TTOM or maybe because of beer yesterday (which I felt I deserved after the long job interview-like lunch with the M folks.)

I'm trying not too beat myself up but to just be nonjudgmental and observant about it. I wish I could find something that was exercise-like that I didn't dread. Maybe it is a gym or yoga membership that I need-- something with scheduled classes? Or just back to FitTV and commit to one daily show? The procrastinating is what kills me.

No blog posts over the weekend. No exercise. Eating was not bad, not terrific. I'm happy with it. Same with alcohol consumption. Some, probably too much, but not too bad. I felt a little hungover Sat., though and I wonder if I'll just decide to skip it completely someday. Maybe if I remind myself here how not worth it it is, that time will come sooner.

Today I did get back to biz and stepped for 45 mins. while watching TAR. I need to remind myself it's not about the calories but the mental health, but I ate a cookie last night and that 45 mins. of cardio didn't even burn off those calories. Oh well, sometimes you gotta have a cookie. (It was one of those 500 calorie ones.) Again, next time I'm considering that-- note to self: Not worth it.

I made lentils in the rice cooker last night and mixed them with rice... mmmm! I put about 3 cups lentils, I think 6 cups water (?), chopped an onion and some garlic, and just seasoned it at the end. And added a chopped tomatoe to my bowl. It was very good and healthy, and the dogs can eat the leftovers if I don't eat it all.

Friday

Instead of exercise today I did all the yardwork for both yards. That was plenty. Both mowed, weed-eated, blowed, pool filters cleaned, bugs sprayed, ant pellets spread. It's so hot and nasty out there. Maybe I should make a rule no sitting at the pc until my workout is done. The longer I wait in the day, the harder it is. The 9am rule works pretty well, too, though, if I can stick with it.

Still no alcohol all week but it's Friday so HH is planned. My eating's been good. I don't know what it is but something's having an appetite suppressant effect. I thought it might've been the kundalini but that was days ago. Maybe it's the rice. I've been eating mostly that the last few days. Maybe the fish oil? I just started that yesterday afternoon, though. Maybe the lifestyle changes are just pulling me out of the depression/anxiety rut. I don't know, I had all my right fingers bandaged last night from ripping at them. That's not usually a good sign. I do feel more positive about things lately, less like I'm stuck in a tailspin. As hard as it is to get moving in the morning, I think doing so makes me feel more in control of my life throughout the day.

Thursday already!!

I had a 9:30 phone call for work so I wasn't off my chair by 9am. It took me til about 1:30 today. I did feel that sucking feeling from sitting in my chair too long, unexercise, unshowered. It's good for me to avoid that black hole.

Since I was having trouble motivating I just got on the treadmill and kicked out 20 mins. of HR intervals. It's my bare minimum but I don't want to overdo it and burn out, so it's good to scale back when I want to.

Again, no alcohol last night. Good for me. Tomorrow night I will allow myself to have a few drinks. Eating was good yesterday, too, though I did have a cookie. Totally not worth it. I won't have anymore, at least not whole ones.

The rice cooker came and I love it. I'm eating day old rice right now and it's still terrific. I'm cooking GABA brown rice now which is supposed to be an anti-anxiety helper, so we'll see if that has an effect.

I also bought some fish oil pills today at Sprouts. The Omega-3 is also supposed to be a mood stabilizer, so I'll watch that, too. I only bought a month or less worth. I should eat 3-4 capsules a day, or 3 plus an egg.